Gordon Sheppard in conversation with JS Porter 2

The Last Interview Gordon Sheppard in conversation with J.S. Porter   Gordon Sheppard and I conducted our interview via e-mail in the summer of 2005, both of us knowing that cancer might not permit our finishing the conversation. He’d pick at the questions when he was able to and in October and November 2005 he e-mailed me his final responses, a few months before his death to prostate cancer on February 19, 2006. Eight of my questions remained unanswered. Let’s start at the beginning. Why Aquin? Why not Jacques Ferron or another Quebec luminary?   I knew Aquin, I'd wined and dined and danced with him, and we'd worked together on a feature film project. Besides, I felt implicated in his suicide. That's because we'd spent New Year's Eve together and during that evening he told me he was depressed, so I suggested he go to Rome to get some perspective on what was bothering him. A few weeks later, he did just that - then he came home and killed himself. I wondered whether his trip to Rome had been a disappointment because it hadn't given him the needed perspective on his problems, or whether it had triggered something that caused him to commit suicide - which, by the way, was a shock to me: I had no idea he was suicidal. In any case, the day of his funeral I had an overwhelming feeling that I should gather all the facts surrounding his suicide before they were forgotten or lost. At the time, I had no idea what I'd do with this material.      Why make his suicide centre stage around which everything else—his loves, relationships, politics, literature—revolves?   If you're thinking of killing yourself, surely your whole being must swirl around this thought. So anyone who wants to investigate what ails you before you kill yourself had best try and look at every facet of your life.  After you've committed suicide, no doubt the act will transfix everybody - relatives, friends, strangers. Mention that someone has committed suicide and right away people invariably ask "Why?" - as if the answer can be neatly wrapped up in a sentence or two. Well what else could matter? Once you've answered "No!" to existence - our existence, after all - what we all want to know is: "How come?" And the only way to attempt to answer such a complex question is to look at everything, macro and micro, which might have affected the dead person's life. Of course the merciless paradox is that you can never find out why: you can only guess at possibilities. So my diligent ferreting into the many possible reasons why Aquin killed himself necessarily produced a multitude of possibilities à la Rashomon... Indeed, many years of research and reflexion with regard to Aquin's death taught me a profound lesson: when investigating a suicide - and a life- the important thing is to lay out all the evidence, not to try and interpret what it means…    [  >>>>> FORWARD ]   Share | [Distillate © HA&L + J.S. Porter |  {from the Greek bios} -- the course of a life.] [This article is sponsored by Wolsak & Wynn Publishers Ltd., acknowledged with thanks by the Editor and Samizdat Press.]